you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
