there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
