There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
