Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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