P.S. I can't hear my feet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
