Nicole vs. Life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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