Quick, to the slutcave!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
