yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Jerry, you need to find god
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
