Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
