Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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