Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
