Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
