I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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