Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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