Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
