Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
