Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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