Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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