I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
