Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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