Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
