you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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