How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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