Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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