Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
