2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
