On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
