Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
home. puking in laundry basket.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
