I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
