i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Who died my cat blue again?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
