I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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