i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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