Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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