All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
