we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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