My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize