I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
