Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
