I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
