everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So much Jack, so little girl.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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