Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
