I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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