During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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