i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
