i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
