please come you make the beer taste better
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
