Sponge bath it is.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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