My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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