Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
