Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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