Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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