stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
