im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
