5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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