I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
